Resiliency Training

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I have had a fairly privileged life. It’s true, I have endured some hardships - an injury that could have changed the course of my life, enduring an education “In the Men’s House”, two deployments of my own, two of Matt’s deployments, living in foreign countries, birthing my first baby without my husband by my side because of one of those deployments (but even then I had my mother for support), losing a baby to miscarriage, birthing a second baby, 9 moves in 15 years…. Perhaps some of that does sound stressful to many of you, but I count myself very blessed that I do not live with debilitating pain or illness, don’t suffer from piles of debt and rarely worry that I won’t make it to the next paycheck, have never lost someone I was particularly close to, do not have to care for a loved one with a chronic illness. I haven’t had to deal with anything that makes me think I am overly qualified to discuss resiliency.

When I first wrote about resiliency in my Survivor! posts, I noted that it was the ability to recover rapidly from traumatic events. To recover quickly from major stresses in life, basically.

So, what is stress? I’m going to skip the Webster’s definition and go with one that I think is more descriptive, attributed to Richard S. Lazarus: Stress is a condition or feeling experienced when a person perceives that “demands exceed the personal and social resources the individual is able to mobilize.” (taken from an article on the Holmes and Rahe stress Scale found on Mind Tools). I love that the level of stress you feel is “perceived” by you and you alone. That what might stress you may not even cause another to blink.

Holmes and Rahe also developed a survey to help you discover just how much stress you could potentially be under. Of course I took the Life Events Stress Test, you know I’m a sucker for these things. Exercising a little leeway, I considered deployment a “marital separation”, and discovered that in the last 12 months alone, I scored 379 points, which they say “means a significant amount of life change and a significant susceptibility (about 80% probability) to stress-related illness.” Most of the events I consider to be extremely stressful in my life actually fall outside that 12 month window! No wonder the Army tries so hard to get us to take their Soldier and Family Resiliency Training so seriously.

They go on to say that there are some “variables that interact on health including positive factors such as support from family, friends or work associates.” I suppose these are the “resources” they feel we have to call on when stressors come knocking. I have to say that I am entirely disappointed that faith and prayer did not make that list. My ability to cope with stress is without question directly linked with the strength of my faith and the frequency of my prayer. God has certainly blessed me with amazing “family, friends and work associates” who have been crucial to my survival of stressful events, but it has been my personal relationship with God that has made the most significant impact on my ability to recover from trauma in my life, to be resilient.

Recently, I intentionally put my boys under a significant amount of physical stress. They have never ridden their bikes more than a mile and a half and yesterday, I took them out on a 3.2 mile ride. I didn’t tell them how far or how hilly it was going to be. I prayed before we left that I wouldn’t have to carry more than one child and one bike at a time if they were unable to finish. Well, to my utter amazement they not only finished, but were able to push their bikes themselves when the hills were too big and did it all without one single complaint. I even caught the 7 year old encouraging his 4 year old brother up a particularly big hill….if that doesn’t warm a mother’s heart, I don’t know what does. Through it all, I was there, encouraging them, offering advice, warning them of the dangers ahead, standing ready to pick them up and carry them. That is precisely what God is doing for us as we encounter stress and traumatic events in our lives, if we let Him.

In two very famous verses, God promises this to us. I love the encouraging words of Deuteronomy 31:16, “Be strong and of good courage, do not fear nor be afraid of them, for the Lord your God, He is the One who goes with you. He will not leave you nor forsake you.” Moses spoke these words to the Israelites as he told them that Joshua would be their new leader, and would take them across the Jordan river to take possession of the promised land. I can only imagine how stressful this new obligation was for Joshua and for all the Israelites. (The Life Events Stress Test doesn’t offer a score for conquering Canaan.) These words were meant to comfort them. Moses, on whom the people had relied for so long was no longer going to lead them, but he was reminding them that God would be with them no matter who their leader was on earth, no matter what they encountered on the other side of the Jordan.

The new testament verse that references this old testament text is particularly emphatic in its use of a double negative. The second half of Hebrews 13:6 quotes God as saying, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.” My study notes say this could also be translated, “I will never, ever, ever forsake you.” Verse 7 goes on to say, “The Lord is my helper; I will not fear. What can man do to me?” The Lord is my helper and the only resource I have that will never be exhausted. Because of His great love for me, I have no need to fear or stress. No trouble on earth or of man can take away the love my God has for me or my salvation.

In Survivor!: Part II, I talked about how resilient Job was. His life was fraught with suffering that eventually caused a strain on his relationship with God because Job thought he knew better than the Creator how he should be treated. Job allowed his pride to get in the way of his faith. All of his earthly resources failed him, but God never left him. God picked Job up and talked with him about His own omnipotent and majestic power. It is more like an inquisition found in Job 38-41, but at the beginning of chapter 42 “Job answered the Lord and said: “I know that You can do everything, and that no purpose of Yours can be withheld from You.”” Whatever the cause of stress in your life, know its purpose is to draw you closer to God, to make you more like Jesus, and sometimes to shine a light on sin in our lives. We have to learn to trust, lean, repent, and wait on Him. When we do this, as Job did, we also will be blessed by the Lord in “the latter days .. more than [our] beginning…” Job 42:12 That blessing may not be on earth, but those who believe in Jesus as their savior should take heart in knowing that heaven waits for us!

Being a survivor doesn’t mean never having to deal with traumatic events or stress, it means knowing how to overcome that feeling of being out of control and recover. What are you struggling with now? Are trials, temptations, sin, stress, or trauma causing you to feel like your earthly resources have been exhausted? How is it impacting your relationship with God? Your life may, at times, seem out of control to you, but God has orchestrated every event in it and He is there waiting to carry you if you should stumble or fall. He is our greatest resource in becoming a resilient survivor!

Adapt and Overcome

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I am truly amazed at how adaptable the human body is. When I was in the Army, I dreaded the PT test. I had convinced myself that I just couldn’t run. Honestly, my lower body has taken it tough over the years, MCL and meniscus tears, ACL replacement, surgery on both feet, dislocated and fractured knee cap, ankles sprained more times than I can count (surprisingly, none of those injuries occurred while falling from an airplane). I used every one of these ailments as an excuse as to why I wouldn’t run. I think it was only my pride that kept me from making it an official condition that would justify me taking an alternate event PT test. So, every six months, I sucked it up and ran two miles and it was awful. I can remember being incredibly sore for days after, despite what I considered to plenty of other exercise in between.

Now, I am running for fun. I actually paid to run in a race last weekend. Even more astounding is that 5K won’t be my longest run this week and I wasn’t sore after at all. So, what happened? Over time, my body has adapted. I didn’t do it all on my own…If you have read my early blogs, you know there was much prompting by the Holy Spirit to get me out there pounding the pavement. I still had to choose to put on my running shoes and head out the door, but I’ve had a lot of help and encouragement along the way.

I can truly point to God as the giver of any success I’ve had at running, because it is certainly not a hobby I would have chosen for myself. So, it was no surprise to me when I realized I didn’t do anything to warrant having run my personal record time in the race on Saturday. I didn’t do anything the guides or manuals say you should do, with the one exception of running with a great Training Partner. In all honesty, I did several things in the week leading up to the race that should have sabotaged my efforts. However, I did ask God to carry me through, and He did. I believe He has called me to run for His purposes and I trust Him to carry me through each step, so I will obey Him.

A couple of years ago you would have heard me say, “A half marathon… Pssshhhhttt! I don’t even like to drive that far in my car!” Today, I am training for that distance with a group of other folks here who have been called to run and pray for the friends and families of the victims of the Sandy Hook tragedy. I have no idea what the end state of my running will be. Will I just run for my health and for that quiet time it gives me alone with God? Will I continue to challenge my mind and body with increasing distances? Will I come to the point, where God calls me to do other things to bring glory to Him?

Not that my running specifically is making me more like Christ, but by trusting and obeying God in this area of my life, I am adapting my thinking to trust and obey Him in other areas. And I can tell you that, the adaptation from being one who does not run to dare I say it, a runner, has been a process. It has not always been fun and the fruits of my labor are often not readily apparent. Sometimes, it has been downright hard. The time it takes me to run 8 or 10 miles could have seemed pretty lonely without God by my side encouraging me. I could simply say that I have changed over the years, but I prefer to recognize this as an adaptation of my mind and body to overcome a weakness through the power of God working in my life.

Change happens. And it isn’t always pleasant, but none of us can stop it from touching our lives. Adapting, however, is an intentional decision laced with the power and desire to overcome, to be a Survivor! You must choose to adapt. You must take the first step by inviting the power of God into your life and then allowing Him to work the adaptation of your heart through the Holy Spirit. As Christians, we have to make a choice to adapt ourselves in order to meet whatever situation life or death throws at us. We have to be willing to let God work in our lives. When we first make the commitment to trust Christ for our salvation, we are asking God to be with us as we “put on the new man, which was created according to God in true righteousness and holiness.” Ephesians 4:24 Sometimes, we have to make a conscious decision to put on the new man each and every morning.

Change can be gradual or can happen in the blink of an eye. Adapting is a process, one that can take a long time to see completion. “He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ.” Philippians 1:6 God’s work with the whole body of Christians will not be complete until Jesus returns to earth. Individually, His work in us continues until we take our last breath here on earth.

Change is ambiguous, shifting like the wind, and often we cannot easily determine which direction that wind may blow. Adapting, has a singular and perfect end state. Paul told the people of Corinth, that because of the life, death and resurrection of Jesus we are given the hope of His glory. “But we all with the unveiled face, beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory, just as by the Spirit of the Lord.” 2 Corinthians 3:18 A mind, heart and spirit as similar to that of Jesus as is possible for those of us with human flesh is the end-state of our Christian adaptation. There is no better place to learn about that than in the unchanging Word.

Change can be lonely. In the Army we endure a lot of change. Every couple of years (or even less in some cases) we change home towns. We change schools, neighbors and jobs. As we go through the process of adapting, we have the promise that we never have to be alone. You can “be strong and of good courage,” because God “is the One who goes with you. He will not leave you nor forsake you.”

Change can be hard and so can adapting. All of the change that seems to blow through our lives indiscriminately is designed by God to propel us toward our Christian adaptation in one way or another. “Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.” Romans 12:2 Read, study and renew your mind, feed on the Word of God. Allow God to adapt you by the testing of your faith through these changes, so that you may be made more like Jesus. What God wants for us is His perfection, not that we would fit in with this world, but that we would fit in in heaven.

Adapting to be more like Christ is not necessary for our salvation. Belief is all you need to be saved because John 3:16 says, “For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have everlasting life.” The desire to want to be more Christ-like is, however, a natural outcropping of vibrant faith. Just as “faith without works is dead,” James 2:20, faith without a desire to be more like Christ is also a dull and lackluster kind of faith. How can we call ourselves true Christians, yet be resistant to the transformation God desires to work in our lives for His glory?

Are you ready to pray as David did in Psalm 139:23-24 and invite God to begin His adaptation of your mind and spirit? Are you are willing to ask got to search you and know your heart? To try you and know your anxieties? To see if there is any wicked way in you? We are able face any earthly change, test or trial simply by calling on the power of Christ, who has “overcome the world.” John 16:33. Are you willing to trust and obey as He leads you in the way everlasting? Will you heed the call to adapt your mind, your life and your heart to the ways of Christ so that you also may overcome this world and join Him in glory in Heaven? Are you ready to Adapt and Overcome?

 

Top 10 Moving Musings

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Just a little light humor from our latest move with the Army!

10. When the packers tell you where they put the keys to the china hutch are packed, write it down, e-mail it to yourself and tell at least 3 other people.

9. The type of wall outlet for the dryer will always be different than the one in the last house.

8. You are most likely to find the correct cord for the dryer outlet in a box labeled tools AFTER you buy a new one.

7. At least one box labeled TLO (top load only) won’t be.

6. The light bulbs will never be packed with the lamp or the shade.

5. The coffee pot is most likely in a box labelled “bathroom items”.

4. If the driving directions to your new duty station include an FM (Farm to Market) road, BE VERY AFRAID.

3. It will probably pour down rain at the most inopportune time… Like moving into the guest housing (the old school variety with no internal corridor to the rooms) with two weeks worth of clothes for four people, a dog and her kennel. Or when your HHG (house hold goods) are being delivered in 15 wooden crates.

2. The photo album with pictures of a man you went to college with as a Beast Barracks New Cadet whose wife you just met will NOT be in either of the boxes labelled “Photo Albums!”

1. Mapquest + Atlas + Smart Phone with GPS + 6 year old in-dash navigation system = TROUBLE

 

In all seriousness, it has been a pretty good move and I’m actually happy to say that life here in the deep south is proving to be surprisingly pleasant! We are finding a new normal routine and meeting some wonderful new people. I am so thankful for shared experiences, like moving with the Army, that provide a means for fast friendships.

Too Precious to Pack

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The crew arrived yesterday morning to begin packing our worldly possessions up in preparation for the move to Fort Polk, Louisiana next week. It really is quite the process to determine how to categorize our belongings. My husband and I are now on our 15th collective move with the Army, four each before we met and this is our seventh together (six of them with kids). I would love to say that they get easier and we now have a streamlined process, but it just isn’t true. The other day, I compared it to childbirth…if you remembered all the details about how painful it was, you would probably quit doing it after the first time. Every move seems to have it’s very own nuances and challenges that leave us asking each other, “Didn’t we just do this two years ago?” and “Why aren’t we better at this with all the practice?” Unfortunately, there is no epidural to make this kind of torture bearable.

One of the most significant challenges is deciding what things we want to take with us and separating them from those we want to go in the moving truck. This is a substantial challenge when you are moving to or from an overseas assignment, because then you have three or four categories of things: hand carried items, hold baggage which goes by plane and generally arrives in about 2 weeks, household goods that go by ship and can take 6-8 weeks and sometimes you need to select items that you can do without for the length of your overseas assignment (3-4 years) to put into storage. Some categories even have a weight limit not to be exceeded for fear of charges.

The process of deciding what you can live without for any length of time is rather convicting. If you can do without it for 3 or 4 years, do you really need it? How much of a hardship are you willing to endure without certain items for 2-3 weeks? What are you willing to take the risk of damage or loss of by sending on the truck? I think the most telling category is the things you absolutely cannot live without or are too precious to trust to the government contracted moving company. What can you not live without?

This list has ebbed and flowed over the years and will likely continue to fluctuate as our family dynamic and our destinations change. There are a few things, however, that will never be packed up, that are beyond precious, that I could not do without for even one second. These things aren’t things at all, they are the people and the memories that have become for us that very place we are leaving. They cannot be shrink wrapped or padded and boxed for they are stored in our heart. We cannot part with them because they have become an integral part of who we are now.

This is how we grow our Army Family. We may not share DNA or blood lines, but are instead bound by shared experiences and a common love for our Soldier which create bonds of inestimable worth. For many of us the desire to make our home near the families of our birth is strong, but there is comfort in knowing that no matter where we go, we will find an Army Family. These bonds become strong quickly because it is rare to actually live near the people with whom we do share blood and our Army Family is the one that endures hardships and celebrates victories with us daily.

The bonds are not only forged between Soldiers, but also between their spouses. These are the ladies who have watched our bellies grow in pregnancy, or perhaps with whom we have shared a baby shower. Families who share in our misery over what the Army considers acceptable housing. Other wives who know the parts of ourselves we give up to support our Soldier husbands. Friends who grasp our circumstances well enough to determine with one glance if we are taking care of ourselves. Ladies who fully comprehend the sorrows of saying good-bye to your husband for a year, the mixed emotions of a two week R&R, the anxiety of finally welcoming home the man of the house and the constant fear that you may not get to. People with whom it is pure joy to reconnect with, if only for a few moments when duty assignments overlap. Women who challenge, encourage, support and understand us because they have walked a mile, or four, in our shoes.

These are the kinds of relationships that span time and distance. Who, even though they may dislike the facebook status that says the packers have arrived, know that their friendship is much too valuable to box up. It is this family that I have accumulated over the years that gives me the strength to move on, even when it means leaving a part of myself with them until we meet again.