Authentic, genuine, real, true… These are concepts that keep popping up in my life lately. From the bible study I’m doing in PWOC to conversations with friends and, of course, on Facebook. I doubt any of us intentionally plans to give off a vibe of perfection with our comments or posts. I think we are genuinely more comfortable sharing our victories than publicizing our defeats or airing our dirty laundry. But when is the last time you truthfully answered the question, “How are you?” Most often, “I’m great!”, comes out of my smiling mouth as an automatic response. Why is that? Am I so obsessed with keeping up the appearance that I’ve got it all together and under control.

What would happen if I admitted that there are things in my life, beyond my craft desk that are messy, or sad or frustrating, embarrassing, disappointing, worrisome, or even frightening? What if I said that I have a room that’s such a disaster I’m a little terrified to enter it. Yesterday when a friend came over to visit, I closed the door to it, but today I posted a picture of it on Facebook after seeing another post about a pile of laundry waiting to be folded on the guest bed. What I didn’t say was that it has been like that for quite some time. What if I said I had so many clean clothes waiting to be put away that I’ve been getting dressed in the laundry room for several days now. If I admitted to losing my temper with my children on more than rare occasions or that they had pizza two nights in a row this week? What if I told you I have a wardrobe box in the upstairs hall that has been sitting there since we moved here…over a year ago. What if I dared to utter that I’m very self conscious about my body, or reveal that I have clothes in at least 5 different sizes in the my closet because I can’t seem to stay any one of them, and I almost never leave the house wearing a dress without some sort of spanx-like undergarment, even when it’s 104 degrees outside. What if I tearfully confess that I wanted to throw things this morning after a argument with my husband and ultimately gave in to that frustration by flinging a dish rag across the kitchen and then crumpled up on the couch crying. That I let a good friend down because I was wallowing in my own pit of despair over that silly argument that I won’t remember in a month. How would you react if I casually mentioned that I’m tired of the late nights at work and TDY trips that sometimes leave me home alone with my children for days on end. My car is full of crushed cheerios and snack wrappers. The garage is a danger zone. I walked instead of running yesterday and it felt like a cop-out. I have plants I purchased in May that are still in their original (not decorative) pots in the front flower bed. These aren’t the things that I would run to my computer or phone to post on Facebook or text about. Would you judge me or wrap your arms around my neck and cry with me if I revealed my things I prefer to hide?

The truth is life is messy and stuff happens to all of us, not just me. By publishing our highs and burying our flows, we create a false sense of perfection to those around us who are likely struggling under the weight of their own messy lives. God never expected us to be perfect. He didn’t send His son to die for our sins because we are so worthy, but because we are SO flawed and broken. If we aren’t genuine with Him about our need for a Savior, we cannot have the deep personal relationship He wants with us. If we aren’t’ authentic about the good, the bad, and even the ugly with each other, then we are missing out on the kind of close friendship that supports, encourages and strengthens us.

If I don’t know what’s really going on in your life, I don’t know how to pray for you, how to help you or how to love you completely. Loving each other is what He has called us all to do. Jesus says, that next to loving the Lord, loving my neighbor is the most important thing I can do. Matthew 22:39 Paul tells us that love is the greatest gift. That love is patient, kind, and polite. It is not self-seeking, provoked, or evil thinking. That love rejoices in the truth, it bears, hopes, believes and endures all things. “Love never fails.” 1 Corinthians 13:4-8. There are no exceptions made for the skeletons in your closet, crumbs swept under your rug, or whatever may be shoved behind your bed skirt.

By appearing to have it all under control, we run the risk of scaring off the very people with whom we might wish to bond because, let’s face it, they don’t’ have it all together either. Very little is more intimidating than facing our own flaws when all we see are perfect people around us. The sum of all those picture-perfect moments and PR’s is actually less than the whole. It negates all the blood, sweat, tears, sacrifice and struggle that made it possible to get there.

So, let’s get real with each other. Quit faking our friends out and start living our lives in love, grace, authenticity, forgiveness and trust. Stop taking ourselves so seriously and start sharing a good laugh over life’s misfortunes. Isn’t that what community is all about, growing closer to one another through all kinds of shared experiences wherever we are in life. We might even find out we have more in common with each other than we would have ever guessed.