When Marriage Gets Messy - Outside Influences

Liz Overcoming Messes

The #7 most referenced reason Marriage Gets Messy: Outside Influences.

Outside influences have been making a mess of marriage since the Garden of Eden. The enemy has modernized his tactics and remains a threat to marriages everywhere by attempting to wedge his way between husband and wife. He assaults us from every angle with often unwitting accomplices. Some are passive and others actively attempt to lure us away from God’s design for marriage.

Hollywood, romance novels, and social media romanticize marriage and fill our hearts and minds with unrealistic expectations and desires. In-laws often project their own assumptions and preferences on our relationships. Friends attempting to build us up personally can tear down the institution of marriage by insinuating we deserve better. Those in whom we’ve previously confided bring up past hurts to put down our spouses when new troubles arise. Old secretes never revealed build walls between us. Tempters and Temptresses intentionally try to insert themselves between us.

Outside influences open the doors of marriage to the devil.

But there are some things we can do minimize those messes.

Outside influences open the doors of marriage to the devil, but there are some things we can do minimize the messes. #whenmarriagegetsmessy #outsideinfluences Click To Tweet

5 Strategies to Minimize the Messes

Outside Influences Make in Marriage

Cleave

Four times in Scripture we are reminded that a when man leaves his father and mother he should cling, or cleave, to his wife (Genesis 2:24, Matthew 19:5, Mark 10:7, Ephesians 5:31). This means, quite literally, to adhere or be glued to each other. That kind of connection leaves no room for the enemy to weasel his way in between. In marriage, two become one (Mark 10:8), but outside influences often use our individuality and independence to convince us to make decisions without consulting our spouses. After all, it seems perfectly reasonable for a grown woman to have her own thoughts. But ladies (and gentlemen) we gave up our independence before the ink dried on our marriage licenses. Saying, “I Do,” makes us part of a duo. God designed us to be joined together and not allow anything to separate us (Mark 10:9).

Confide

Talk. About. Everything. There should be no secrets between husband and wife. How specific we need to be about certain issues is debatable, but the bigger the secret the greater potential it has to make a mess in our marriage. We should also never discuss anything in our husband’s absence that we wouldn’t talk about in his presence. Things we tell our friends in confidence often have a way of coming back around to cause damage. As we figure out how keep outside influences out, we can then look at them as opportunities to discuss priorities and expectations. Confiding in each other helps us grow closer.

Clever Redirect

Sometimes outside influences put you on the spot and demand immediate answers. Be it committing to holiday plans or swiping the credit card for a trendy new hand bag, having a clever phrase to redirect helps diffuse awkward situations. You could choose to say something like, “That sounds great, but I’d like to talk with my husband before I decide.” Anyone who would take issue with that statement is not a friend to your marriage. Always discuss the situation with your spouse and then come up with parameters for what’s OK to agree to and what should be discussed first when similar situations come up.

Cut Ties

Sometimes, we must cut ties with certain people or things that constantly interject themselves in our marriages. Stop reading and watching material that creates unrealistic expectations or extra-marital desires immediately. While that may seem like a no brainer, often cutting ties with friends who don’t fully respect the marriage covenant is a lot more challenging, but we must prioritize our marriage over our friendships. Cutting ties increases our commitment to each other.

Circle Up

Not all outside influences are inherently bad. Sometimes we need the perspective of those who are a little further down the marriage road, the camaraderie of those bumping alongside us, or even professional intervention help us along. We all need people who will feed into our marriages and support us in good times and bad. In fact, having a strong inner circle can can protect us from outside influence. Actively seek mentors and other couples who are committed to speaking truth over your marriage and using their influence to fight off threats to your union.

To minimize the messes outside influences make in marriage, cleave, confide, come up with a clever redirect, cut ties, and create a strong inner circle.

5 Strategies to Minimize Messes Outside Influences Make in Marriage: Cleave, Cut Ties, Confide, Clever Redirect, and Circle Up. #WhenMarriageGetsMessy #OutsideInfluences Click To Tweet

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Don’t miss the other posts in this series:

10. Finances

9. Unmet Expectations

8. Adultery

7. Outside Influences

6. Complacency

5. Selfishness

4. Misaligned Priorities

3. Yoked Unequally

2. Communication Breakdown

and the #1 reason marriage gets messy is because God Isn’t Invited

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Liz’s printed workbook, When Marriage Gets Messy is now available at Amazon and Barnes and Noble on-line. It’s an 11-week workbook for wives who want to overcome 10 common messes married couples make. The comprehensive workbooks contain daily prayer, reflection questions to help you dig deep into heart issues, word studies, Bible Study material, date night ideas, memory work (not what you’re thinking), additional resources, and of course S-E-X! It makes a great individual or group study, or even a wedding gift!

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Linking Up With

For more encouragement please join the discussions on these fabulous blog link ups – Suzanne Eller, Thought Provoking Thursday, Susan B. Mead, Faith Filled Friday, Grace and Truth, Faith and Fellowship Friday, Grace and Truth Friday, Good Morning Monday, Soul Survival, Monday Musings, Rah Rah Link Up, Tell His Story, Woman to Woman Wednesday, Women With Intention Wednesday, Sitting Among Friends, Testimony Tuesday, Planting Roots, and Fresh Market Friday.

35 thoughts on “When Marriage Gets Messy - Outside Influences”

  1. It’s so important to make that number one earthly relationship with our spouse the most important, and to snuff out distractions and negative influences.
    Thanks, Liz, for grace words to guide us through the messiness of life.

    Reply

    1. Thanks for your kind comments, Michele! Priorities are coming soon! So critical to place the relationship we have with our spouse just behind the one we have with God. Blessings!

      Reply

  5. I’m so glad to have found this post. So often my husband and I feel alone in this type of mindset. While we feel our marriage is a reflection of Him and hope it will point others to Him, it’s nice to have like-minded people out there.

    via Fresh Market Friday linkup 🙂

    Reply

  6. Liz,
    Not sure why my comment didn’t post last week from the #dancingwithJesus linkup? I loved your post and glad I doubled back to reread. Marriage is messy for sure, but oh so wonderful when you have two people working to untangle the issues.
    Keep on encouraging 🙂
    ~Sherry Stahl
    xoxo

    Reply

    1. Thank you, Ufuoma! I pray God will use these words to encourage others to protect their marriage against outside influences! Blessings!

      Reply

    1. Thanks, Timberley! I completely agree… We need to have our spiritual eyes wide open when marriage starts getting messy! Blessings!

      Reply

  10. This is such a great post. Most times we are tempted to look at each other as the source of our marital conflicts while the enemy cones through the back door with his external influences. Thanks for sharing this Liz!

    Reply

    1. Thanks, Lureta! My husband is not my enemy! Repeat it with me! We must always be on guard against enemy attacks… Marriage is a high value target for him! Blessings!

      Reply

  12. Yes, Liz! Love and appreciate your thoughts here and tips. I never considered it before, but outside influences are a big part of causing issues in a marriage. As a pastor’s wife, I write about marriage often. Not only do troubled wives come to me, but my husband and I talk with many couples. And, there’s this bit of information, the enemy works overtime on any couple in ministry or those who set their sights on boldly making Jesus known. We get blasted all the time. What a great series you’re doing. Thank you for these reminders. Blessings!

    Reply

    1. I pray God would give you and your pastor/hubby wisdom and discernment in your ministry, would bless you for you efforts to aid those whose marriages are messy, and would protect your own marriage from enemy advances and outside influences!!

      Reply

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