For crying out loud.
I’ll cry if I want to.
When did a few tears become a crying shame?
Why do we look at waterworks as a sign of weakness? Or worse, a lack of faith?
Why have Christians come to fear the tear?
I walked out of the cell phone store’s local branch frustrated and defeated after getting yet another run around in the saga that had become closing my father’s account. A lack of compassion coupled with absent direction pushed me over the edge. As I slammed the door to my husband’s truck in the large parking lot, hot tears spilled down my cheeks and splattered my shirt.
In almost no time there was a persistent tap-tap-tap at the window. I’m a skeptic so we used hand gestures through the glass before I was convinced the face on the other side posed no threat and rolled the window down - half way. Turns out this man from a local church wanted to know if he could pray for me. He asked if I knew Jesus loved me.
Apparently my tears caused him assume I was without faith.
But here’s the thing, crying didn’t, nor will it ever, constitute a crisis of faith. Not my tears or your’s either.
Instead it is simply an inevitable byproduct of living in this MESSY sinful world. There is so much death, disease, hatred, and destruction. From tragic terrorism in Orlando to the atrocious accident at FT Hood. From parenting struggles with my seven year old to the forgotten wars in Iraq and Afghanistan that still steal my husband and his fellow Soldiers away from their families for months at a time. From the seemingly preventable death of a friend at Ft. Polk to the inexplicable loss of several babies in utero by dear friends.
Are my tears really your biggest concern? Have we all just become so numb that we don’t recognize the suffering around us? That we judge others for feeling it?
Jesus Himself promised us that we would have sorrow here on earth. He likens the pain we will experience to that of childbirth. We will ache and moan as we labor through this life. But then, just as a mother forgets the agony as her newborn baby is placed in her arms, when Christ returns to take us home we will no longer remember those things that pained us during our earthly existence. Because He rose again, we too get to experience the joy that cannot be taken from us (John 16:20-22).
But even knowing all that Jesus still wept (John 11:35).
He cried because he loved. Because He was human.
And we care for our fellow man because that is how God created us.
Pain is found where we dare to care. Click To Tweet
King David reassures us that God takes a personal interest in all our pain and suffering, that He will put my tears in His own bottle (Psalm 56:8).
Revelation 21:4 reminds us that “He will wipe away every tear from [our] eyes; and there will no longer be any death; there will no longer be any mourning, or crying, or pain.”
Even though the MESSES of this world may bring us to tears, it doesn’t mean we’ve lost hope. For we know Jesus has overcome the world (John 16:33), therefore we are more than conquerors because He loves us (Romans 8:37). There is no MESS so big or so bad that has enough power to separate us from that love (Romans 8:38-38).
The joy of the Lord gives me hope of an eternity free from all that currently plagues us, but the pain and heartache are still very real today. And so are my tears.
The next time you see me with tears pooling in my eyes, just give me a great big old hug. Bring me a piece of chocolate or a caramel latte. Take me by the hand and simply sit with me quietly until the tears dry up. Cry with me. But please refrain from offering lots of Christian sounding platitudes that only seem to add guilt to my grief.
Just let me feel my feelings without making me fake a carefree attitude to assuage your own concerns. I’ll take feeling over faking any day!
Just let me feel my feelings without making me fake a carefree attitude to assuage your own concerns. Click To Tweet
And I’ll do the same for you!
If you need some more suggestions for helpful ways to support a friend with tears in their eyes, visit my dear friend Dr. Michele Bengston’s blog post 20 Practical Ways to Help a Friend in Need.
LOVED this! I’m not sure why we equate tears with despair or lack of faith, but we often do! But you’re so right…tears are the consequence of living in a sinful world. And in so many ways they are even a gift…a means of releasing emotion I think sometimes would kill us if we had to keep it bottled up inside!
Bottling up our feelings is no way to live well, that I know first hand! Thanks for visiting, Tanya!
Love this Liz! This world is a sad painful place. I have to remind myself because of sin, evil is here to stay until Jesus comes back. It is our duty as prayer warriors to continue to fight in prayer against evil and allow our heavenly army to continue fighting for us. Thank you for your inspiring words and I am a Christian who does not fear the tear! Blessings on a beautiful week!
I can cry and fight in prayer simultaneously!!!
The only thing I’ll ever do is tell that person to come to me so that I can hold/hug them and tell them I love them. No other words are needed. I may ask if they want to talk, but only if they seem receptive. Love doesn’t need words.
Thanks, girl! The last thing I need is shame on top of my grief! xo
Hi Liz,
Thank you for sharing. Yes, tears make people uncomfortable because they don’t know what to do. Sadly, some were shamed as children for their tears thus they want to fix others who are crying. I hope that I would give you a shoulder to cry on. I remember being told that ‘Laugh and the world laughs with you, cry and you cry alone.’ I, regretfully, have a hard time crying in front of others. Have your tears, my dear, and may you not cry alone.
Thanks, Patricia! It can be isolating when people try to fix me instead of just letting me fell my feelings!
“Feeling over faking”-that’s good! I’ll try to remember that. Love & hugs…xo
I’m trying to remember it, too!! xo
Amen. Tears are okay. xo
Thanks, friend! Maybe some day we will actually get to meet in person…
Hi Lisa sometimes I find myself shedding tears toothe world is a broken place filled with broken people and only in Jesus do we find hope and healing.
A hug would do for me and a quiet listen…
Hugs and blessings to you
Amen! Hope and healing with Jesus alone, but He isn’t afraid of a few tears, either! Blessings, friend!
Yes - feeling over faking, for sure! I’m a crier, so I get it, but some people are entirely intimidated by raw emotion. I tend to feel first, its how God made me. But I know that faith is my foundation, and God knows that always where I’ll return. Glad to visit from #testimonytuesday today.
Yes, Tiffany! Faking < Feeling < Faith
“Rejoice with those who rejoice; weep with those who weep”. We must remember that.
” I’ll take feeling over faking any day!” I love that. You are so right on with this post, I can’t stand how shallow and pc most of our relationships have become here in America.
Yes, yes, yes!
Sincere tears over fake smile anytime.
Thanks for putting this out here.
Thanks, Lux! I hope we can all encourage one another to just be REAL!!
What an awesome promise! And a great reminder today to take a moment and thank God for sending His son so that one day, we will live without tears and pain. I’m a crier, and I cry out of frustration too:) Thank you for letting us know that crying is a natural reaction to the fallen world we live in. And in this fallen world, we have the Ultimate hope that brings us joy. Amen! Thanks Liz:)
Oh, goodness, Liz! I have had this in my inbox for weeks, wanting to find time to read it, because the title drew me in. Oh how I loved this. Oh how I needed to hear this. Thank you friend!
Ellen, so glad it spoke to you! I’ll always be here as a shoulder for you to cry on, even if from a distance! XO